Graduation, for most college seniors, is an exciting pivotal moment that many students look forward to. They dream for the day to never have to take a test, sit in a lecture, and write papers ever again. They are fully ready to kiss their college campus goodbye.
For me, graduation was quite a different story. I was dreading the day.
As senior year was rapidly moving by I was being filled with sorrows and “what if’s”. The sadness of saying goodbyes, and the million questions I had for my future were all that I thought of. I was just not ready to say goodbye to this chapter of my life.
I was afraid of entering the real world.
In college, as students we are covered in a security blanket of student discounts, picking and choosing your class weekly schedule (*depending on your major) and great vacation days. We were in control of hours, didn’t have to call in sick (lets face it we’ve all skipped class before), and we chose what days we wanted to have class. For the longest time I went to school four days a week; thank God the business building didn’t offer Friday classes!
I was semi in control.
AND the best part was we got to live in very close proximities to all our friends which means you never really have the chance to be bored. I was greatly blessed to have been able to live in my sorority’s house with 40 sisters and ultimately my best friends. I have so many great memories of living together in that grand house. I had them all in arms reach. I had several closets to get outfits from, someone to get food with, someone to go on adventures with, and of course, someone always to talk to. Leaving my friends was what I was mostly regretting.
You see I am from Houston and all my beautiful and talented best friends live in DALLAS. I was doors down from my favorite people and now I’m 240 miles away. Every summer and winter break I had to leave them for months and it was torture, but in reality, it was preparing me for the future.
Next thing I knew spring break had passed and all I had left was a short 2 months filled with deadlines of projects and presentations. Which made time fly with me being so busy. I can’t tell you how many times I cried myself to sleep those last two months. I was crying from stress, fear of the unknown and saying goodbyes. If you haven’t already noticed I’m an emotional person.
As finals week was approaching I had to go Alum from my sorority and if you’re from my chapter, senior wills is one of the most heartbreaking ceremonies ever! This ceremony was a transition from a collegiate sister to an alumni one, and this meant it was time to say our goodbyes. All seniors would stand in front of the chapter reading their goodbye letters to their closets sisters. Girls would bring in whole boxes of tissues to get through this event. It was definitely a tear-jerker, and for us emotional people it brought in the waterworks. I don’t know how I made it through that ceremony with mascara still on my lashes. I couldn’t even write my letters to my dearest friends and I still can’t to this day (sorry).
Then the dreaded day had finally approached. Saturday, May 13, 2017.
I was a mixture of feelings that day. That morning I packed my car with my last few items from my room, said goodbye to the house I called home for two years and headed to the Coliseum to celebrate my education. I was by no means in the celebratory mood. My mother could tell I was an emotional bomb ready to explode with nerves and sorrows and asked me if I was ok and if I needed anything and I jokingly responded by saying “no I need a Xanax” lol.
It was time. I checked in, took a few pics with my classmates and headed to take my seat. As soon as the infamous graduation march song started playing I was fighting to hold back tears. The actual ceremony was all a daze. It happened so fast, I barely remember it, but I did it!
I did it WITHOUT crying… probably because I had no tears left lol, but nevertheless I survived!
Fast forward to today and I’m still surviving, not exactly how I want my life to be but I’m getting by. Moral of the story is soak in all the memories of life you possibly can, try not to be so fearful of the unknown, and to let go of being in control and let God. This is one of my greatest struggles is not knowing God’s plan for me and wanting to be in control. I know his plan for me will be greater than I can ever imagine and yours will be too! At last, I leave you with a fitting quote from the famous movie The Cinderella Story, “never let the fear of striking out, keep you from playing the game”.
Love always,
Alex
